Stuck In The Middle With You

All right, I'll be honest. That song is playing right now and it just sounded like a great title to a blog. The chorus is as follows:

"Yes I'm stuck in the middle with you,
And I'm wondering what it is I should do,
It's so hard to keep this smile from my face,
Losing control, yeah, I'm all over the place,
Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right,
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you."

It's pretty perfect for where I am in life right now. Most of the time I do feel like I'm all over the place. Sometimes it seems as though I've blinked and days have gone by. I feel as though I'm missing something, and at the same time cannot possibly experience one more thing.

As I lay in Mondo's arms last night just before falling asleep I muttered a few words that Mondo and I say rather regularly to each other...."I love our life." And there's so much truth and vulnerability in that simple statement. There are good days, and there are definitely bad days, but overall I'm living a life I couldn't have ever dreamed of. And I'm stuck in the middle of it all with a man who knows me better than I know myself, who puts up with my unbelievable brattiness, and who loves every part of me, no matter how good, bad or ugly.

I have these moments of extreme adoration for our life, and sometimes that quickly evolves into fear that it's just too good to be true. That God is playing the ultimate practical joke on us, and soon enough we'll realize it. That the other shoe will drop, so to speak. The first shoe being the last 6 months of course. I remember the wedding, the honeymoon and the holidays, and then I remember nights at the hospital, tears falling from my entire Rivera family's eyes as we said our final goodbyes to Tina, and I vaguely remember speaking at her funeral. But I don't remember much about the in between.

January and February saw more ache, and more pain than I've ever experienced. Not only did I witness the life of an incredible woman end, but I watched my husband lose his mother. And we're grieving together, as best we can.

Mondo is amazing in so many ways, and this tragedy has somehow managed to only bring us closer together.

I'd gladly be stuck in the middle with him anytime.