The Calm Before The Storm

I think I'd like to give blogging a try again. There have been so many moments, so many breaths, that I'll never remember because the thought of writing them down seemed to hard. And quite honestly, it still seems too hard. Because the last few months have known more heartache and pain than I can ever remember in my life. And writing about them feels like I'm reliving those months all over again.

And that, is something I'm not sure I can handle.

But I'm going to try. Because maybe somewhere in the last few months I can find that little spec of joy, that flicker of hope that somehow pushed me through. Kept me standing. It was only by the grace of God that I survived. And maybe if I take a deep enough look, in order to write clearly and truthfully, I'll be able to see that grace.

So that's where I am. I'm not going to rush it by cramming everything into one blog. I'm going to take my time, and really work through what has happened in life. How I got to where I am, right now, in this moment.

I know I didn't post a lot around the wedding and honeymoon. Part of me wishes I had. That I had kept a better record of my thoughts and feelings leading up to, and following our amazing wedding. And there's a part of me that is so glad I didn't. Because now, I look back and all I see is happiness. Incredible beauty in the support of our friends and family, joy in the faces of our bridesmaids and groomsmen as they stood by us, relief in my heart when things went off without a hitch and it became official. I look at our wedding pictures and smile when I think about how much fun it was getting ready, how panicked I was that the dress wouldn't fit, and that moment when Mondo turned around and our eyes met.

And that's all I need to remember.

That being said, I remember vividly our honeymoon. It would take a thousand posts to fully explain how much I loved our honeymoon. For so many reasons, it was the perfect trip for us. We were able to do exactly what we wanted. And that was to relax, and just enjoy each other's presence. Oh, and drink beer. We did a lot of that too. We were able to sleep in, go to bed early, and do whatever we wanted in between.

We spent the first couple days just wandering around Dublin, enjoying the sights, the people, and the Guinness. After that we picked up our rental car, headed south to Cork and spent the evening pouring our pints and watching TV at Bull McCabe's with Ireland's friendliest bartender and 7 other people. It was a night we'll never forget because Mondo was able to see his dream of sitting by a fire at a pub in Ireland with a pint of Guiness come true. It makes me so happy to see my love so happy. The next day we went to the Blarney Castle. It was early enough that there was still dew on the ground, and only a few other cars in the parking lot. We walked onto the grounds and were instantly in love. It was exactly as a castle should be, tall and looming in the distance, with acres of lush, green land surrounding it. Before going to the castle we decided to follow a trail through the grounds and spent the next hour or so enjoying the quiet. After taking our tour of the castle (and NOT kissing the Blarney Stone- gross) we drove through quite possibly the world's most beautiful scenery, listening to Radiohead on CD since whoever rented the car before us left it there. We drove through areas that looked like they were straight out of a movie. Green hillsides, narrow roads, signs in Gaelic, and then finally the ocean! We both squealed, I kid you not, with excitement at seeing water. We both knew Ireland was surrounded with water, but when you first see it.....I can't explain that feeling.

We spent the next few days driving, stopping for seafood and knicknacks along the way. We took our time, and just soaked in the beauty. In Kilkenny we had the most mouthwatering, satisfying bowl of seafood chowder then headed over to Darby O'Gills for the night. We grabbed a beer in the hotel bar, listened to a local sing and get drunk and harass his friends. the next day we went exploring and drove out to the Cliffs of Moher. What a breathtaking view! It was cold and rainy but that didn't stop us from spending the better part of an hour just looking out onto the gray ocean. On our way to lunch we stopped to take a picture of a huge cow, and Mondo noticed water spraying up from the rocks. We figured they were just small cliffs, but when we got closer, we realized they were probably 200 feet tall. It was so fun to watch the waves crash on the rocks and tempt them to splash us! We were freezing but it was worth it to watch Mondo act like a little kid. From there we headed out to our next destination Galway. We weren't super impressed with the city, but spent the following day unwinding from all the driving. We holed up in the Dahl Bar, for lunch, a mid afternoon drink and dinner- with a few beers in between. We did a bit of souvenir shopping, and enjoyed not being in the car. That night we had our last Guiness/Bulmers in Ireland and tried to soak up as much of the trip as we could. The next morning we headed to the airport.

There is a slideshow of pictures on my previous entry "Honeymooners"- check it out.

At this point we were about halfway through what we thought was going to be the craziest 3 months of our lives, given we'd just gotten married and were headed straight into the holiday season.

We celebrated Thanksgiving here in Denver, where all of Mondo's family gets together. It was so far beyond the normal family crazy I experience at Thanksgiving, due to the fact that Mondo's family size easliy doubles mine. It was an exciting day, and we enjoyed the time with everyone.

Christmas we went to AZ thanks to free tickets from Southwest. Yes, we have still been doing enough flying to earn free tickets. After a wonderful time spent with my family, we came home ready for the new year. Ready to start "normal" life.

And on New Years Day everything changed. I can't hardly write that without breaking down, because what happened next is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. Losing Tina hurts everyday, and I miss her so much. And that story, will have to wait for another post.

That felt good. To write. To reminisce. Here's to continued therapy.