Do You Go By Kelly Sue?

Zumba!

2011-04-28T16:32:00.000-07:00

All right you guys, I've done it. I've started taking a Zumba class that meets Mondays and Wednesdays in a back room of a church up the hill from our apartment. And let me tell you this, IT IS FUN. Now, I say that because I've got rhythm (I just googled how to spell that word correctly- I always want to spell it rythym) and I really enjoy dancing. If you can't say the same thing for yourself, my advice would be to either get over and do it anyways, or stick to a treadmill. Whatever you want to do with your life is fine. It's your life.

But here's the reality. Zumba makes me feel better. Which is not something I can say about most physical activity. Usually I just want to hop off the elliptical and go eat a box of Oreos. Not the normal size bag, but the Family size that has 5 rows of 12 cookies. And I want to dip them in whole milk, and then drink the entire glass with all the Oreo crumbly goodness in it. Yes, that's the exact same reaction I have when I get off work, finish cleaning, or am having a slightly-less-than-excellent day.

Zumba though, it makes me feel like I'm engaging every part of my body. I'm sweating and getting my heart rate up but I working my thunder thighs, keeping my gut tight, and using those fatty limbs that protrude from my torso called arms. And on top of it all, the 50 minutes goes by and we're in our cool down song, and I can't believe it's over! And for someone who can call walking down the flight of stairs to take the trash out a workout, this is a BIG DEAL.

I'm hoping to continue, at least once a week, but fingers crossed twice, and maybe my pants will start fitting again. Maybe.

Stuck In The Middle With You

2011-04-05T11:49:00.000-07:00

All right, I'll be honest. That song is playing right now and it just sounded like a great title to a blog. The chorus is as follows:

"Yes I'm stuck in the middle with you,
And I'm wondering what it is I should do,
It's so hard to keep this smile from my face,
Losing control, yeah, I'm all over the place,
Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right,
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you."

It's pretty perfect for where I am in life right now. Most of the time I do feel like I'm all over the place. Sometimes it seems as though I've blinked and days have gone by. I feel as though I'm missing something, and at the same time cannot possibly experience one more thing.

As I lay in Mondo's arms last night just before falling asleep I muttered a few words that Mondo and I say rather regularly to each other...."I love our life." And there's so much truth and vulnerability in that simple statement. There are good days, and there are definitely bad days, but overall I'm living a life I couldn't have ever dreamed of. And I'm stuck in the middle of it all with a man who knows me better than I know myself, who puts up with my unbelievable brattiness, and who loves every part of me, no matter how good, bad or ugly.

I have these moments of extreme adoration for our life, and sometimes that quickly evolves into fear that it's just too good to be true. That God is playing the ultimate practical joke on us, and soon enough we'll realize it. That the other shoe will drop, so to speak. The first shoe being the last 6 months of course. I remember the wedding, the honeymoon and the holidays, and then I remember nights at the hospital, tears falling from my entire Rivera family's eyes as we said our final goodbyes to Tina, and I vaguely remember speaking at her funeral. But I don't remember much about the in between.

January and February saw more ache, and more pain than I've ever experienced. Not only did I witness the life of an incredible woman end, but I watched my husband lose his mother. And we're grieving together, as best we can.

Mondo is amazing in so many ways, and this tragedy has somehow managed to only bring us closer together.

I'd gladly be stuck in the middle with him anytime.

The Calm Before The Storm

2011-03-31T10:23:00.000-07:00

I think I'd like to give blogging a try again. There have been so many moments, so many breaths, that I'll never remember because the thought of writing them down seemed to hard. And quite honestly, it still seems too hard. Because the last few months have known more heartache and pain than I can ever remember in my life. And writing about them feels like I'm reliving those months all over again.

And that, is something I'm not sure I can handle.

But I'm going to try. Because maybe somewhere in the last few months I can find that little spec of joy, that flicker of hope that somehow pushed me through. Kept me standing. It was only by the grace of God that I survived. And maybe if I take a deep enough look, in order to write clearly and truthfully, I'll be able to see that grace.

So that's where I am. I'm not going to rush it by cramming everything into one blog. I'm going to take my time, and really work through what has happened in life. How I got to where I am, right now, in this moment.

I know I didn't post a lot around the wedding and honeymoon. Part of me wishes I had. That I had kept a better record of my thoughts and feelings leading up to, and following our amazing wedding. And there's a part of me that is so glad I didn't. Because now, I look back and all I see is happiness. Incredible beauty in the support of our friends and family, joy in the faces of our bridesmaids and groomsmen as they stood by us, relief in my heart when things went off without a hitch and it became official. I look at our wedding pictures and smile when I think about how much fun it was getting ready, how panicked I was that the dress wouldn't fit, and that moment when Mondo turned around and our eyes met.

And that's all I need to remember.

That being said, I remember vividly our honeymoon. It would take a thousand posts to fully explain how much I loved our honeymoon. For so many reasons, it was the perfect trip for us. We were able to do exactly what we wanted. And that was to relax, and just enjoy each other's presence. Oh, and drink beer. We did a lot of that too. We were able to sleep in, go to bed early, and do whatever we wanted in between.

We spent the first couple days just wandering around Dublin, enjoying the sights, the people, and the Guinness. After that we picked up our rental car, headed south to Cork and spent the evening pouring our pints and watching TV at Bull McCabe's with Ireland's friendliest bartender and 7 other people. It was a night we'll never forget because Mondo was able to see his dream of sitting by a fire at a pub in Ireland with a pint of Guiness come true. It makes me so happy to see my love so happy. The next day we went to the Blarney Castle. It was early enough that there was still dew on the ground, and only a few other cars in the parking lot. We walked onto the grounds and were instantly in love. It was exactly as a castle should be, tall and looming in the distance, with acres of lush, green land surrounding it. Before going to the castle we decided to follow a trail through the grounds and spent the next hour or so enjoying the quiet. After taking our tour of the castle (and NOT kissing the Blarney Stone- gross) we drove through quite possibly the world's most beautiful scenery, listening to Radiohead on CD since whoever rented the car before us left it there. We drove through areas that looked like they were straight out of a movie. Green hillsides, narrow roads, signs in Gaelic, and then finally the ocean! We both squealed, I kid you not, with excitement at seeing water. We both knew Ireland was surrounded with water, but when you first see it.....I can't explain that feeling.

We spent the next few days driving, stopping for seafood and knicknacks along the way. We took our time, and just soaked in the beauty. In Kilkenny we had the most mouthwatering, satisfying bowl of seafood chowder then headed over to Darby O'Gills for the night. We grabbed a beer in the hotel bar, listened to a local sing and get drunk and harass his friends. the next day we went exploring and drove out to the Cliffs of Moher. What a breathtaking view! It was cold and rainy but that didn't stop us from spending the better part of an hour just looking out onto the gray ocean. On our way to lunch we stopped to take a picture of a huge cow, and Mondo noticed water spraying up from the rocks. We figured they were just small cliffs, but when we got closer, we realized they were probably 200 feet tall. It was so fun to watch the waves crash on the rocks and tempt them to splash us! We were freezing but it was worth it to watch Mondo act like a little kid. From there we headed out to our next destination Galway. We weren't super impressed with the city, but spent the following day unwinding from all the driving. We holed up in the Dahl Bar, for lunch, a mid afternoon drink and dinner- with a few beers in between. We did a bit of souvenir shopping, and enjoyed not being in the car. That night we had our last Guiness/Bulmers in Ireland and tried to soak up as much of the trip as we could. The next morning we headed to the airport.

There is a slideshow of pictures on my previous entry "Honeymooners"- check it out.

At this point we were about halfway through what we thought was going to be the craziest 3 months of our lives, given we'd just gotten married and were headed straight into the holiday season.

We celebrated Thanksgiving here in Denver, where all of Mondo's family gets together. It was so far beyond the normal family crazy I experience at Thanksgiving, due to the fact that Mondo's family size easliy doubles mine. It was an exciting day, and we enjoyed the time with everyone.

Christmas we went to AZ thanks to free tickets from Southwest. Yes, we have still been doing enough flying to earn free tickets. After a wonderful time spent with my family, we came home ready for the new year. Ready to start "normal" life.

And on New Years Day everything changed. I can't hardly write that without breaking down, because what happened next is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. Losing Tina hurts everyday, and I miss her so much. And that story, will have to wait for another post.

That felt good. To write. To reminisce. Here's to continued therapy.

Honeymooners.

2010-11-23T16:04:00.000-08:00

Ireland. Such a great country. My heart breaks that they're in such a financial mess, but hey, who isn't these days right? We all need a little help sometimes.

And Mondo and I certainly did our part in boosting the economy over there, spending plenty on beer, food, and miscellany fun stuff!

Here are a few snapshots of our trip. Such a great time, a trip we'll never forget. Ever. (I don't know why the pictures are so small. Sorry!

You May Kiss The Bride!

2010-11-03T08:49:00.000-07:00

I'm a married woman.

MARRIED.

And let me tell you something people- I'm glad the first few chapters of our lives are over.

I loved being single, and then I loved being pursued by Mondo. After that I fell in love with Mondo and loved being his girlfriend. The night he proposed I loved him more than I ever had. And the last year of our engagement although one of the hardest, has been one of the best, and I loved it.

But I LOVE being married.

And the wedding....oh the wedding. What an incredible night! I had the most amazing time, and I can't wait to see more of these.....

My good friends over at SessionNinePhotography were amazing, and made the whole process so easy and fun! I can't wait to see the rest of the shots, and once we get them back I'll post my favorites here!

And Thursday, Mondo and I leave for our honeymoon. In Ireland. Yup. IRELAND.

Life is good :)

Call me MRS.

2010-10-08T07:43:00.001-07:00

Well folks, today is the last day I will post anything before The Big Day.

I'm honestly without words.

I cannot describe to you all how unbelievably ECSTATIC I am. I wish that there was a way I could project all the feelings inside of me into this blog so you could feel what I'm feeling.

I liken it to the night before Christmas, when you're 8, and you just KNOW that Santa is giving you exactly what you asked for. You've been so good all year, you did extra chores, weren't as mean to your siblings as usual and have made sure to clean behind your ears without being asked. You're a shoe-in for that (fill in the blank with whatever your heart desired at 8) and you've only got to wait 10 more hours to get it!

And if I'm feeling that way now, a week before said Big Day, I can only imagine what the next week will hold for me.

Be praying for us! It's gonna be a hectic week, and we're going to need all the help we can get!

Next time I post, I'll be Mrs. Rivera. :)

YAY!!!

2010-10-06T09:43:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling so much better today! I woke up just....excited. Mondo and I changed our plans last night, and have decided to take a couple extra days off for the trip, which means we're leaving for AZ in 4 days!

Does that make things a little crazier? Of course! Does it mean I get to spend extra time with my loved ones before the wedding mayhem begins? It does! So it's a fair trade off.

This morning I've been trying to get things together for the next week and 2 days that I'll be off work. Which surprisingly isn't much. Ok, so it's not so suprising. I could claim that the work side of things is CHAOS! HARD WORK! TAZMANIAN DEVIL-ISH DESTRUCTION! But, you'd all know I was lying. So instead I'll just say that I've been working at a decent pace, getting things done that probably don't even need to be done before I leave, but the boss is here so I'm trying to keep busy.

Oh, and did I mention that I now have a new thing on my lip? Yeah, I'm going with thing, because I'm not sure if it's a zit, or a new cold sore, or what. Whatever it is, it HURTS. But I'm not gonna let it get me down! I've got a wedding to get ready for in 10 EFFING DAYS. Woo hoo!

And now that I've gotten all of those CAPS and EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! out of my system, I'm gonna get back to work.

And the countdown begins....

2010-09-28T07:26:00.000-07:00

Well we're definitely down to crunch time! We've got 18 days until The Big Day, and things are moving! We're making some really good progress on things, and we're just about paid up! Which for Mondo and I is a huge blessing! So far, we haven't put anything wedding related on a credit card (except our INCREDIBLE honeymoon!) and we are so pleased with that. We've made some pretty major cuts in some areas, but as far as we're concerned those things won't be missed. It's going to be such an amazing time, and I'm so excited to share it with my friends and family!

And now it's 11 days.
That enthusiasm from a week ago seems to be fading, since I'm feeling sick, have a giant cold sore, and an inflamed rotator cuff this week. Fun. Times.
I'm really excited for the wedding, and I know it's going to be amazing. But I'm feeling a little overwhelmed today. There's just so much to think about, and we've only got 11 days left. And Mondo has had 2 dreams about us forgetting to exchange the rings. So of course that leaves me hypersensitive about making sure the rings are there. And that we actually give them to each other. At the appropriate time. And on the right hand. Well, not the right hand, because they go on the left. But the left hand is the right hand. I think I'm going to mark Mondo's left hand.

People keep asking me if I'm nervous about being married. And the reality is that marrying Mondo is the absolute least of my worries. My heart is already committed to him, so no, I'm not nervous about marrying him. But I am nervous about throwing a party on one of the biggest days of my life and smiling through the pain of a GIANT cold sore on my lip.

I'm excited. And I'm ready for this. BRINGITON.

You Are The Only Exception.

2010-09-22T07:39:00.000-07:00

What a whirlwind few weeks it has been. Sometimes I feel like all I do is blink, and I've lost a day, or a week, or a month. Usually it's only been a second or two (yes I blink very intentionally) but there are days when I just can't believe it's that day. It's already September 22nd, (I realize that it's now the 24th, but I didn't really have anything to say 2 days ago. I'm not sure I do now either) and that seems completely impossible to me. And yet here we are.

Tomorrow marks the day that we are 3 weeks away from The Big Day. We've got some more things to take care of, more purchases to make mostly. I've worked on the schedule every day this week. And quite frankly it's exhausting. There's just so much going on. We have so many places to be, and things to do. Weddings are hard. And although I know it's going to be a fantastic day, I'll be thrilled when it's over and I never have to do it again!

I've been trying so hard to be the bride who is easy-going, and stress-free but can I tell you a secret? I'm stressed. TO. THE. MAX. I'm honestly not sure how I've been able to even pull myself out of bed some days. I have been having nightmares numerous times a week. I am stress-eating like it's going out of style (not good for fitting into a dress!) and when people ask how they can help me, the honest to goodness answer is, they can't. There are things that just can't be passed onto anyone else.

All that being said, I love my friends and family who have been so supportive through all of this. Mondo has been amazing, making sure I have what I need from him. And things are getting done. Overall, I think once it's over I'll be able to look back and be pleased with this time. It's been a real trip trying to organize such an event.

People have told me to just enjoy being engaged. Which I have. More than I really thought I would. There are moments where I already feel married, but in the car on the way to work this morning I felt engaged. The anticipation of marrying the man I love just crept up and overwhelmed me to the point of tears this morning. Happy, joyous, warm tears that I just let run down my cheeks freely as I thought about that moment when I would walk towards him, wearing white, and in front of everyone promise to spend the rest of my life loving him. I am blissfully happy.

And Mondo, that feeling we talked about the other night? A distant memory. I'm awake, this is real. We are real. We are forever. I love you.

It's A New Day...

2010-09-16T14:12:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning feeling oddly....content. And that lasted about 12 seconds before my mind decided that there must be something wrong if I'm not stressed. I rolled over, scooted over so my feet were touching Mondo's, and went back to sleep. When I woke up the second time, I felt...content. This time the feeling lasted all the way until the alarm went off and Mondo tried to turn it off but didn't know how so he handed me the phone so I could. This time, I forced his arm up and around me so I could burrow into his chest. Sleep called to me quietly, but it was too late. My mind was racing. What day is it? Did I remember to send that email? What time is it? Can I lay here for another 5 minutes? Do we have an 8am patient? What am I wearing? I HAVE TO PEE. Mondo is so warm. What time is my meeting today?
Yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada.

It was after that last yada that I decided to quit fighting it, and get out of bed. I remember saying something to Mondo like "Why do you have change the schedule?!?!" And then I stuck my tongue out at him. I'm not even sure he was awake.

After my awesomely hot shower (I came out looking like a cooked lobster) I went into the room and heard Mondo say "Good Morning." And that sneaky little feeling of content basically smacked me in the face. It stopped me dead in my tracks. Like time had stopped for a brief second and I could practically see it. An overwhelming sense of "everything is ok."

My interpretation? God is reminding me that He is good. And that He loves me so much. Those 2 concepts SHOULD bring a sense of peace and *gasp* contentment to anyone who truly believes them.

And on this beautiful sunny Thursday morning, I believed.

Need.More.Wine.

2010-09-14T14:42:00.000-07:00

I'm alive.
Just a little swamped.
Allright, really I'm just sort of busy like 2 hours a day. BUT THAT'S MORE THAN ENOUGH.
Life is chaotic, and I want to document the crazy.
I'll check in tomorrow and update all 2 of you that read this.
Make that 1 of you, since the other is Mondo and he already knows the crazy.

The Heat Is On.

2010-09-07T16:03:00.001-07:00

6 weeks from now I'll be Mrs. Kelly Rivera.

Which means I will be able to:
-stop correcting people when they misspell my last name (you'd be surprised at the things some people come up with- "Hagmen", "Hadegman", "Hegemen" are a few of my favorites).
-finally call Mondo my husband.
-wear a little extra bling on my left hand.
-change the way I do my taxes (not sure yet what changes, but I think it means more money!)
-say things like "but you're my husband now!!!" when M and I argue about, well, anything.

I'm pretty stoked.

However, all that being said, I've got 6 weeks to get my butt into gear. The list of things to do seems to get longer every passing day. Every time I check something off the list, 4 things gets added. It's overwhelming in every sense of the word. But with all that stress comes something I did not expect. Pride. I am so incredibly proud of what Mondo and I have done, of myself for landing such an amazing life-partner, of Mondo for putting up with my craziness. I know when the day comes, I'll be able to look back on it knowing I put my blood, sweat and tears into it. I'll be able to look back on it knowing that I have some of the best friends and family a girl could ask for. I'll be able to look back on it knowing that Mondo has given me every reason in the world to get married, and that I don't doubt our union for a second. I'm proud to marry my best friend, with all of my favorite people on the planet there to celebrate with us.

There's this incredible thing that happens when you connect your life to someone, and without going into all the details of the wonderful changes I've been through in the last two years, I'll tell you this. It was an organic, natural progression. I fell in love, and it changed me. Mondo never asked for me to change, but somehow in the process of intertwining my life with his, I became a different person. There's still so much of me that's the same, and will always be the core of who I am. But being in love has made me a better person. Being loved has made me a better person.

6 weeks til the Big Day. But forever has already begun.

When I Grow Up....

2010-08-27T08:04:00.001-07:00

The last few months, Mondo and I have been talking about what my professional future looks like. There have been so many things laid on the table, which we will discuss later in this post. My problem is, ok there are two main problems.

1) I am not exceptionally passionate for or good at anything. Sure there are lots of things I love, and enjoy, and I know I'm pretty good at a few things. But there is not one single thing I can say without a doubt that I could dedicate my time too. There's not that one thing, that as a kid everyone I knew would say "Oh Kelly? She'll be a _______ one day." Or "That girl Kelly is incredible at _______." Or "I wish I could be more like Kelly and ________ as perfectly as she does." I was never one of those kids who just knew what they wanted to be when they grew up. I went through every profession in the book by the time I reached High School. Vet, astronaut, teacher, actress, journalist, musician, writer, professional smart-ass. And by then I was so tired of trying to figure out what I wanted to be that I just stopped aspiring to be anything. Hence the reason I will make less than $17,000 this year.

2) I'm lazy. It's so unbelievably difficult to get myself out of bed every morning because all I want to do is sleep or lay down. Once I get moving I'm ok, but that desire to be in my pajamas, watching soap operas and eating Oreos all day never quite goes away. Midday I usually get this mini surge of energy where I think I can take on the world, and it lasts about 45 minutes or so. Then I'm right back to wishing I could curl up in one of our treatment rooms here at the office and nap for the rest of the week. I prefer sitting to standing, walking to running, sleeping to....well....anything. Somehow I'm still able to function in society as a "normal" person, but my inner being is constantly begging for the warmth of my bed, cuddled up in blankets.

All that to be said, there's this little voice in my head that keeps saying things like "You're better than this" and "You can be more than just a receptionist" and "Put that cookie down." So after I've set aside the bag of cookies, I start to wonder what life would be like if I chose a different path, starting now. Here are some of the options I've come up with.

1) School bus driver. Crappy shifts, but I'd be off in the early afternoon. I'd have weekends off, and all the major holidays too.

2) Waitress. I've never done it, but I think I could be pretty good at it. I like people (most of the time) and I like food.

3) Go back to school. Which would be awesome, if my #1 problem didn't exist. It's the reason I didn't finish school the first time. I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.

4) Vocational school. Again, #1 problem exists, but at least I wouldn't be dedicating 4 years to something I may or may not want to do. Just a year or two.

5) Secret Shopper. I hear they make decent money to shop. What could possibly suck about that?

And finally....

6) Receptionist. Allright, I know that's what I'm already doing. But I like the work. And the hours. I just wish I was at a clinic where I was busier, and had the opportunity to grow a little. More responsibilites, more money, more reason to get my lazy butt out of bed in the morning.

I've always been curious as to how people came into their current profession. Was it something you always knew you'd be? Did it just happen one day out of nowhere? Are you happy? Tell me!

T-Minus 2 Months!

2010-08-17T08:15:00.000-07:00

We are officially under the 2 months-to-go mark! Which is quite possibly the most terrifying feeling. Now, before you go thinking it's because I'm having second thoughts about getting married, let me stop you. I would marry Mondo yesterday at a courthouse with a bum off the street as our witness.

Marrying him, is the absolute best decision I will ever make in life.

Now, throwing a big, giant, expensive party to celebrate that? That's a different story! I am not the party planner in my family. In fact, I'm usually the one they just ask to bring a dip. Sometimes I stick around to help clean up, but even that can be a problem since I'm usuallly just in everyone else's way. So this thing, this event, this WEDDING, has definitely got my stress levels up. I am exhausted all the time, I feel sick to my stomach a lot of the time, and no I'm not pregnant. Trust me. I'm just battling the urge to lock myself in my bathroom and weep until October 16th comes and goes.

I know it's going to be a great day, and I'll look back on it with pride knowing that Mondo and I, with the help of our very generous parents, put the whole thing together. But right now, I can't see past right now. When I'm trying to budget for the decorations, and figure out the schedules of the BIG DAY. I have awesome help, and as much as I've tried to let people do stuff for us, it's been hard to give up that control. Oh goodness, did I just say that? I did? Well, there's no going back now. Yes, I want the control. So I guess I want the stress too? Well, I don't think that's true, but I think the stress is an assumed addition to having the control, so I've accepted the stress.

And honestly, I think I'm handling it all really well. I have definitely had a few meltdowns, but I think overall I've been lucky enough to keep my shit together. So far.

We'll see what happens next month.

Meltdowns and More Boogers

2010-08-11T10:45:00.000-07:00

So I can't keep a background on my page for more than 5 minutes. A sign of restlessness? Most likely. I feel like the background for my blog has to reflect me. And I can't sit still, so why should my blog! I still haven't found the perfect background yet, but I'm getting there. My current one is called "Amour" which I feel is disgustingly fitting, given that I am head over heels in love with my fiance. (How about that for a segue?!?!)

That man, oh my how he makes me feel. I've never met anyone who can tell me I'm beautiful, and make me believe it. Or give me something to laugh about when I just feel awful. In fact, just the other night, I had a mini-meltdown about why he would want to marry me. I believe my rant went a little something like this "I'm an awful roommate, I'm messy, I wipe boogers on my sweatpants." Some sobbing, and then "I can't cook, my feet smell, I'm mean and I'm gross." More sobbing, along with some nose-blowing. And then I just wept. For several minutes Mondo just let me cry. He was sitting up next to me in bed, had his arm around my shoulders and just let me cry. And for that alone, I know I'm marrying the man God created for me. Mondo has learned, probably the hard way, that sometimes I just need to cry. I don't need to someone to tell me that everything's ok, or that I shouldn't be upset. I just need to cry. And for what felt like an eternity that night, he let me.

When my shoulders had stopped shaking, and my eyes were out of tears, he looked me in the eyes and said some of the most romantic things he's ever said to me. For the sake of our intimacy I'm not going to share them all, but I will give you a few highpoints.

"Kelly, you are gross."
"Your feet do smell."
And my personal favorite....
"How were you supposed to know that's where I'd put my hand when you wiped your booger there?"

He just gets me.

In all seriousness though, there's something you need to understand about Mondo. He calms me. He quiets the voices in my head. He gives me a reason to get up. And he loves me for me.

In 2 months, I'm going to marry him. But my heart is already his.

Babies, Babies Everywhere!

2010-08-09T16:44:00.000-07:00

Two of my oldest friends are going through the adoption process. This stirs up an incredible amount of emotions inside of me. Pure joy for two families to grow, excitement seeing people I love make decisions to reach outside of themselves to help a child in need, great sadness that one of them is adopting because she was told she couldn't have kids, and a real fear/anticipation that someday I might be in their very same position. Mondo and I have talked a bit about kids, and what we think our future might look like. Adoption is definitely an option, one that both of us feel pretty strongly about. It's a pretty safe assumption that adoption is in our future, whether we have our own children or not.

When I first found out about Lara and Jon's decision to adopt an Ethiopian baby, I was overcome by a sudden urge to have kids. Now, now, don't get all hyped up thinking I'm pregnant or that I will be anytime soon. Mondo and I are in a place where we know we want kids, and we know we are not in any way, shape or form ready for them now. For example, I picked my nose the other day and wiped it on my sweatpants. Mondo went on to rest his hand on that particular spot a little later on, only to discover the booger I had placed there earlier. I was then coached on the appropriate locations to wipe a booger (on the inside of the bottom of the pant leg is Mondo's first choice). I don't even know where I'm supposed to wipe my boogers! How on earth can I possibly be responsible for someone else's well-being?!?

Back to the urge to pro-create.

Reading about Lara's life on her blog, which is inundated with adorable stories of her 4 year old Cade, and her sweet little one Ellie Jean (sidenote: they are a farming family, and Ellie Jean is possibly the cutest name for a farmer's daughter!) and she weaves incredible stories of their lives, making parenting seem not only rewarding, but fun and exciting! Every now and then she's got a post that makes the idea of having kids seem absolutely ridiculous, ie: the time Cade pooped himself at a church picnic. But now she's started blogging about the adoption process and what that's been like for her family. And it's truly moving.

All that to be said, for those of you who doubted the fact I'd ever have kids, probably because for the last 25 years I've been saying things like "Kids are scary! I'm never having any!" or "Gross. Kids.Are.Gross." know this, my heart has changed. Someday, Mondo and I will be parents. And God help the little one. Hopefully it will know where to wipe boogers.

Thoughts.

2010-08-05T13:38:00.000-07:00

So my thoughts are spinning with blog posts, but I can't seem to get any of them out.
I'm working on it.
I really, really am.

Change of Plans.

2010-07-30T08:16:00.000-07:00

On my way home last night, I called Mondo to find out what we had planned for the evening. My current job has become so mind-numbingly dull that I'm pretty sure the part of my brain that's supposed to retain information has been lulled into hibernation or quite possibly paralyzed by it's lack of use.

Anyways, I had no idea what we were supposed to be doing last night, so I called Mondo. He also had no idea, which made me feel a little better about my crumbling brain matter. So we devised a plan on the spot that included a trip to Wal-Mart, a new addition to our family, sitting in rocking chairs, eating and watching a movie. This plan sounded so wonderful to me, I was ecstatic to get home and get started! The plan was to be set in motion as soon as we got to the apartment parking lot, and in the order listed above.

I was ahead of Mondo but what I figured was at least 8 minutes so I decided to surprise him by stopping at Sonic and grabbing us a couple corn dogs and a drink to tide us over until we got home and made dinner. I had $3 cash in my wallet and was hoping I could make my delicious wantings happen with that. When I got to the menu, I realized the corn dogs were $1.29 each. $1.29 EACH. For a corn dog? Are you kidding me? I knew I was hungry enough to eat my own, so I started scrounging around my car looking for some change, hoping I could come up with enough to get both corn dogs and a small soda. I flipped open my console, and found $1.09 in change! I was so excited! I got to the window with my $4.09 and ordered 2 corn dogs with mustard and a medium root beer. Wait, did I just say medium? A medium is $0.59 more than the small I had intended on ordering! But I just ordered a medium! Crap! She gave me my total and I pulled forward before I could really process what I had done. I needed to find 40 more cents before I made it to the window. And so began the desperate search. I reached under seats, lifted floor mats, dug through the glovebox, dumped my purse onto the passenger seat, and after finding only one dime, was getting nervous. I opened up the little lipgloss/bobbypin bag I keep in my purse and hallelujah! There was a quarter! I was 5 pennies away from sweet sweet success! After gliding my hand one last time under my seat (which by the way, is disgusting and in serious need of a vacumming) I found 2 pennies! And now it was time to face the music. I pulled up to the window. A nice, young gentleman opened the window and said "Corn dogs and a root beer?" I nodded, and he replied "$4.49 please." I embarrassingly smiled at him and said "I'm 3 cents short...." and he just kindly smiled back at me and said "I'll cover you."

Chivalry is apparently not dead.

At this point Mondo calls, because he's beaten me home, and is wondering where I'm at. I tell him the saga I just endured and he laughs. I get home, climb into his car and we're off to Wally World with corn dogs in hand. At WM we discover they have a pathetic selection of fish, which we were hoping to add to our family! We're getting fish! It was a decision we made in order to appease our desire for a dog, if only temporarily. We're not quite ready to take on a puppy yet, so we thought maybe fish would be good starter pets. We are pretty excited about this choice, but WM offered us very few fish for very high prices. So we ventured onto Petsmart after buying a fishbowl starter kit at WM. We wanted to make sure we bought the most alive fish we could, in hopes of a longer life span with us. At Petsmart they have an entire wall devoted to fish! A whole wall! There was tank after tank of the slimy little guys and we stood for several minutes looking into them before we decided on what we wanted. 4 neon tetras, a zebra fish and one small African dwarf frog (Mondo's choice). After interrupting the fish guy's conversation with a co-worker, we told him our order and asked if our 1 gallon fishbowl was going to be big enough for all of those things. And that's where our fish buying experience turned. He cringed slightly at the word "fishbowl" and in his kindest tone of voice explained to us why they don't really care for fishbowls, and that most of the fish they sold needed heaters and filters. Our fish-owning hopes dissipated instantly. He walked us down the fishTANK aisle where it looked like we were going to be spending upwards of $25 for a tank to house our little friends. It was then that Mondo and I realized we were going to have to wait until our next payday to get them. We walked out of Petsmart, hand in hand, our dreams of pet-loving left laying on the floor somewhere between the tank cleaning brushes and pirate ship decorations.

The drive home was a quiet one, but things perked up once we got home. Mondo had gotten us a new piece of furniture for our apartment from one of his sites, and I was eager to find a place for it. This was a project I was not wholly prepared for. I decided I wanted to use it as our new tv stand, and move the living room furniture around. This, of course, took place of the "sitting in rocking chairs" part of our plan. We were hungry though (corn dogs don't provide much sustenance) so Mondo made dinner and I folded laundry, and then we ate while watching "X-Men Origins: Wolverine". My excitement over a new look in our place quickly took over and I got moving! Long story short, this project not only took my attention from the movie, but Mondo's as well.
It involved:
Unloading the bookshelf of all 4000 of it's books
Moving said bookshelf
Removing a bolted-in shelf from it
Cutting a hole in the back of bookshelf to accommodate the thermostat
Transferring the tv from it's old stand to the new one
Unplugging everything
Hoping the dvd's would stand up in cubbies of new stand (which they do!)
Maneuvering around 4000 books to situate tv/dvd cords
Praying the new stand will be sturdy enough to hold monstrous tv
Plugging everything back in
Finally sitting on the couch to finish the movie

As the movie ended, and we started getting ready for bed, I remember thinking "I love my life." And I do.
I really, really do.

Blogging About Blogging

2010-07-29T10:54:00.000-07:00

So today I spent 3.5 hours of my morning reading THIS. And I have to admit, I feel slightly inferior. Not only does she have incredible Paint skills, but she's also very, very funny.

So here comes the pity party. I want to be funny. And there was a time when I thought I was. It was during a time in my life where I was someone else (I'm not even kidding, I have no idea who took over my life and did all those horrific things) and I was on a quest to make as many life altering mistakes as possible, and then I was going to write a secret blog about them so that I could tell the world about all of those life altering mistakes I was making. And by the world I mean anyone who happened to stumble across my blog by Googling "epic failures" or "something that will make me feel better about my own life." And for a solid 6 months or so, I did. I wrote these hilarious accounts of this footinmouth situation that resulted in losing a friend. Or the time when thiscrappything happened and I cried for 4 days straight. Oh, and how could I forget the time I was called thisthisthisandthat by a complete stranger because of an unexpected discovery of truth that made me look like thisawfulperson.

But boy were those posts funny.

So now, I've taken a look around, and realized that my life isn't so funny anymore. And not in a IjustfartedinTargetquicklywalkaway, kind of funny. Because Lord knows that one happens just about everytime I go into Target. But funny in the selfdepricatingandnotknowinghowtostop kind of way. The kind of funny where people aren't really laughing, but more feeling sorry for the girl who can't seem to keep it together.

Honestly, I'm ok with not being that kind of funny anymore.

So all that being said, I referenced THIS blog here because I want to be more like this girl. She knows exactly who she is, she's hilarious and can draw dinosaurs and really life-like bears in Paint. She makes me want to be a better blogger, and obviously she makes me want to be funnier in the peopleareactuallylaughingwithme kind of way.

Playlist

2010-07-28T07:12:00.000-07:00

Recently, I was referred to as a "music snob" to which I smugly replied "Yes, I am." I don't mind being thought of that way, because I take that to mean I have great taste in music. Better taste than most people. Because I'm that awesome. (I'm feeling slightly narcissistic this morning!)

That being said, my good friend Sara and I worked ridiculously hard on the music playlist for the wedding, and I have to admit, it's a pretty darn good set.

Some of my favorite selections for the festivities include, but are not limited to, "Hallelujah" by Jeff Buckley, "The Way I Am" by Ingrid Michaelson, "Us" by Regina Spektor, and "Hold You In My Arms" by Ray LaMontagne. The list has so many songs on it, and there are plenty of my favorites that I won't even hear. I'm fairly certain though they will help set the atmosphere for the night exactly where we want it. It's a casual event, and I wanted the music to be a funky and beautiful backdrop to one of the most important days of my life. We've added a few classics, and then some unknowns, hoping to keep people's ears happy and hearts full. We've got The Mamas and The Papas, Elton John, Maroon 5, Modern English, Kool and the Gang, ZZ Top, and so many more that I think everyone will hear something they like, hopefully more than once!

Somehow this post didn't turn out funny. At all. Last night when I was writing it in my head it was much funnier. Oh well. Posting it anyways.

Battle of the Bulge

2010-07-20T14:27:00.001-07:00

Well, it happened. We were doing so well, making the effort and seeing the results. And then Week 3 hit. And as many excuses as I can make, the reality is, I gave up. I stopped feeling motivated. There was nothing I could think or hear that made going to the gym important. And it's been 3 weeks since then. I have a weigh in tonight, and honestly I'm not expecting much. In fact, I would be surprised if I only gained 12 pounds. It's been a rough couple weeks and food has always been my comfort.

And my inner thighs are proof of that.

So the battle continues. I need to get motivated. I want to feel better. And I know that getting to the gym can make that happen.

What are some of the things you do to get pumped up?!?

In Memory....

2010-07-15T14:29:00.000-07:00

I just heard news that a friend from high school, Mike Barr, died today. I'd only seen him a few times since high school, but he was best friends, more like brothers actually, with Shawn. Shawn is Katie's younger brother. She is my best friend, more like sister actually. Her family and the Barrs have been very close over the years, and both are in tremendous pain. He was 23, engaged to be married, and had just moved to CA to make a life for his new family.

He will be greatly missed.

"When a great man dies, for years the light he leaves behind him, lies on the paths of men."
~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Homebody.

2010-07-13T07:24:00.000-07:00

I doubt that people expected it, and some of you may even be a little shocked by it. But I've become a homebody. 9.5 out of 10 times I would rather go home, make dinner, and watch a movie then go out and do, well, just about anything. Just the other day Mondo says "You've ruined me. All I want to do is go home." And inside, I smiled.

Because there was a time in our lives when going home was the absolute last thing we wanted to do. We wanted to be out, eating, drinking, exploring, adventuring (real word?) and living life. Or at least that's what we thought we were doing. And then when our wallets were empty and our feet were sore, we'd trudge back home and sleep for a few hours, ok a lot of hours, wake up and do it all over again. Don't get me wrong, I loved that season in our life.

But I really love the season we're in now. Like, really really love it.

We're making plans, talking about our future, and making changes in our day to day lifestyle in order to accomplish those dreams. And with that comes a little sacrifice, but at the end of the day I can smile knowing that those sacrifices are the start of a new home, or a dog, or savings. We're making these really hard decisions in order to make the start of our marriage just a little easier. And it's been difficult. Really difficult. Because I love buying things, and eating out, and going to movies, and drinking in bars, and wiping my ass with $10 bills. But sometimes, you just have to take a look at where your priorities are, and tweak them a bit.

So now, we're homebodies. More often than not, you can find us sitting at home, eating a home cooked meal, watching whatever movie showed up in our mailbox (man I love Netflix) and just living life.

Because it's not how much you do, but who you're doing it with that really counts.

Fourth of July

2010-07-07T09:43:00.001-07:00

Mondo and I went to Arizona this last weekend to celebrate the 4th of July with my family. There are so many stories I could tell.

Like how my BFF Katie picked us up from the airport wearing this.....

Or how we took my mom and aunt out for sushi, and they got drunk.....

And then we took the party to my aunt's house where there was more drinking, and some dancing....

I could write about how amazing and adorable my niece and nephew are....

And how my family just keeps getting crazier......

Maybe you want to hear about the river experience?

Blogging is super easy with pictures that tell the story for you!!

Happy 4th of July America!

Trials.

2010-06-29T12:59:00.000-07:00

To be honest, I haven't thought about blogging much in the last few days, because quite frankly I wouldn't know where to begin. Life has been extraordinarily trying the last couple weeks, and I'm feeling pretty worn out. Work, family, friendships and finances have been testing my strength and trust in God. Which in some ways is really awesome because it's forcing me to think outside myself and rely on Him in ways I'd forgotten how to. Ways I'm still trying to remember how to. When someone says "Lean on Him", all I can think of is "What does that look like?" I struggle with those cliche statements that are supposed to make sense to me because I'm a believer. But when it comes down to the nitty gritty how does one actually lean on Christ? We pray, we read His Word, we fellowship, and yet somehow through all that, the anxiety and worry are still there. Brewing beneath the surface, just waiting for the one trigger that will blow the whole thing up. The one comment or thought that drives one to tears. And let me tell you this. I do not cry well. I get all puffy faced and red. The snot builds up instantly and I can't breathe within seconds. It's a pretty fantastic sight really. Just ask Mondo. He loves it.

So that's where I am. Somewhere between I-Don't-Know-Where-To-Turn and God-Has-Given-Me-Peace. Somewhere still in the muck and mire, but with a rope dangling to pull me out. I still worry that my "leaning" on Christ may be a figment of my imagination, that I'm not truly and completely relying on Him, but I'm working through that.

However, I do think we're on the upside of it all, and I have to say that I wouldn't be here without Mondo. He's been such an encouragement to me, keeping me focused, trying to stay positive, and letting me cry when I need to. He's been so patient, and kind with me. Understanding and uplifting. He's given me so much to think about and has let me vent. He is everything I've wanted in a best friend, companion, and husband my entire life. He gives me so much to be thankful for. Maybe God is allowing Mondo to be my tangible crutch, even if just for now, until I'm ready to fully surrender to Him.

Mondo, you are my heart. Thank you for holding me up these last few weeks. It means more than you'll ever know.

Vent.

2010-06-22T14:15:00.001-07:00

I have been blessed with a man-friend who is really good at remembering to put the toilet seat down. And for that, thank you Mondo. For whatever reason, every other man I come in contact with at work, feels the need to leave it up. Now, generally speaking this doesn't really bother me. What does bother me though, is when there's pee all over the seat, and they've "forgotten" to flush. Because that's exactly what I want to do when I am about to pee my pants. Grab some toilet paper, wipe up your nasty pee so I can put the lid down, and flush before I pee so that I don't have any backsplash of yours on my butt.

Yup. I was hoping I could do that today. Twice.

Biggest Loser

2010-06-21T12:21:00.000-07:00

I'm fighting the urge to eat every piece of chocolate that's currently staring me down in the candy bowl on my desk. It wasn't my choice to have it there, it was there before I got here. And now, every day, it taunts me. Calls out my name, "Kelly, we know you love us. Our creamy chocolate and assortment of fillings...Eat us!" It takes every ounce of self control I can muster not to just plunge my face directly into the bowl and eat them all, wrappers included. And now, with this whole Biggest Loser challenge my Rivera family decided would be a fun time, the temptation is even stronger! But knowing that I'll have to run an extra 10 minutes on the elliptical for every piece of chocolately yumminess I consume makes the restraint a little easier. So here's the challenge. M, myself, Tommy, Karen, Mario and Mom have 8 weeks to lose the most weight. It's a $20 buy in, and whoever has the highest percentage of weight loss at the end of the 2 months wins the pot. As a bonus, maybe my wedding dress will actually fit!

Anyways, this last week, M and I have done something together we've never done before....we worked out consistently! 4 times last week we got our butts of our couch and went down to the gym where we worked up quite the sweat. The gym is next to the sauna, and boy do the kids in our complex love that thing. Which for 2 reasons, is annoying. 1) Where are these kids' parents? I'm sure there is some age requirement to be in the darn thing, and some rule about parent supervision. And the 2) every time they open the door to it, a flood of warm, nay, muggy air makes it way into the already stuffy gym. Which the first time wasn't so bad, but then after the 13th, I was about ready to jump off the machine and throw a couple backhands. But then, as if an ice cream truck had just parked outside the room and was handing out free Ninja Turtle frozen treats to everyone, the kids all ran away! And boy were we relieved.

Reason # 24 M and I are not ready to have kids: They annoy us.

Weekend.

2010-06-14T11:21:00.000-07:00

What a weekend! Thursday night Mondo and I drove up the hill to Blackhawk, the little gambling city in the mountains for a night at the Ameristar hotel. Every now and then his dad gets an offer to stay free, and since he works so early in the morning he gives them to us! The Ameristar is a brand new hotel/casino that is gorgeous. Well, minus the ugly pinecone carpet they have running through the casino. But it's a really nice place, and it's so refreshing to sleep in a big comfy bed, with blinds on the window that completely block out the sun and no alarm going off next door at 4:30am! It was such a nice night, and we slept like rocks!

Friday we had a couple errands to run. The day was productive, but I had a couple moments where I wanted to cry (one when I did) dealing with the DMV and getting the title and registration on my car settled.

Without boring you all with details, let's just say this-The DMV can suck it.

Saturday evening was my friend Brooke's bachelorette party. We went to this trendy mexican food place called Lime, and after a few shots of tequila and some cranberry vodkas, I was feeling good! So good in fact that while shaking my booty on the dance floor I forgot how to use my feet and fell! Yes, I'm ashamed to admit, I was that girl. And I have a bruise on my right butt cheek to prove it. Lucky for me, all the girls that were around were too busy shaking their groove thing to notice so I just hopped back up on my feet and kept dancing! It was a pretty fun night.

But then Sunday, oh Sunday, how I love you. Sunday has officially become my favorite day of the week, because somehow, Mondo and I have managed to make Sunday our lazy day. And I know when some of you read that, you're going to think that we probably did a couple things, and showered and what not. And you would be wrong. We did not shower. Nor did we brush our teeth or our hair. We laid on the couch, with the blinds pulled shut, watched tv, and ate. It was an incredible day. Oh Sunday how I wish you were today....

Meal Planning is for SUCKERS.

2010-06-10T11:06:00.000-07:00

Not only are M and I trying to be healthier, but we're trying to save money. So we've been doing a lot of cooking at home. For lunch today I'm eating a leftover ground beef/greenbean/potato concoction. Now, I realize that sounds odd, for some even a little gross. I was one of you. When M first told me about the meal his mom used to make them, I cringed a little. The thought of putting all of those things together, and eating them with a tortilla was just a little too strange. But, wanting to expand my meal-making horizons, I agreed to try it.

And let me tell you something-
It's one of my favorite meals.

There's something so wonderful in the simplicity of the ingredients and the way they're prepared. No fancy spices, no expensive ingredients. We figure we spent $2 on the beef, $0.75 on the potato, and maybe $1 on the can of green beans. Unfortunately we didn't have any tortillas, but last night we substituted them with sliced bread and added a little cheese to the top of it all, mmmmmm cheese..... Anyway, it was a filling, tasty meal that had enough leftovers for the both of us, for a whopping $4 or so.
FOUR DOLLARS. M and I had 2 meals each on FOUR DOLLARS.

It's ok, you can be impressed. I know I am.

Blog Style

2010-06-09T16:36:00.000-07:00

I just wanted you all to know that I created my own custom header. Yup, me. The most computer illiterate 25 year old you'll ever meet. I worked with FotoFlexer (which I'm pretty sure was made for people like me) and created my header!

Do you like it???
If you don't, you can suck it.

I'd Never Survive Boot Camp

2010-06-09T08:16:00.000-07:00

So Mondo and I have been trying to eat a little healthier, be a little more active, and ya know, just be better humans. But this new leaf has come with some painful consequences. I should have known she was gonna hurt me when I asked for her help, but I was desperate. So I asked Julie, my co-worker if she would help me get in shape. She's a Physical Therapist, and is so ridiculously healthy it's crazy. And she makes it look so easy. Monday morning she told me she had to go home at lunch, so our daily lunchtime walk wasn't going to happen. So I decided, since it was HOT on Monday, that I would just do my walk on the treadmill. I asked her advice on what speed/incline I should do, completely unaware of how much I would regret that question. Her reply? "At least 3.5, probably more, at a 5 incline for 5 minutes than alternate every 5 minutes with a 10 incline." I nearly choked on my double chin. She wanted me to do what?!?! But being the proud woman I am, said "Ok!" with as much enthusiasm as I could muster. She wasn't convince, and neither was I.
Lunchtime came. The treadmill glared at me from across the room, and I decided it was time. 3.5 isn't bad, it's about a normal walking pace for me anyways, but starting on a 5 incline is awful. At the 3 minute mark my legs were burning and sweat was starting to bead on my forehead. And I wish I was kidding. I would love to tell you all that I am getting stronger, and that I'm not sweating like a rabid beast anytime I do something remotely athletic. But I do. Which is why I change my shirt to walk at lunch. When it was time to switch to the 10 incline, I wanted to cry. But I did what I was told. Let me tell you this. 25 minutes of alternating between the 2 inclines sucked. Big time. My legs felt like jello halfway through the second 10 inclne, so I gave up. I did. I quit. I just stayed at the 5. But I jumped up my speed! That should count right? RIGHT? I can't begin to tell you how wonderful a 5 incline feels after spending just a mere 2 minutes on a 10! It was like I was walking on pillows, nay clouds! Big, white, fluffy clouds!

When I recounted the story to Julie later, I tried to lie. But I couldn't. She had to know what she was dealing with. She just smiled at me and said "It's a good one huh?" then proceeded to finish her paperwork. I wanted to smack her.

Oh, and for the record, Chocolate Mousse Whips yogurt, and Coffee flavored yogurt are disgusting. You'd be better off licking the bottom of your shoe. Trust me. Stick with the fruity flavors. Just ask Mondo. He gagged, twice.

Did I not hit save??

2010-06-03T13:54:00.000-07:00

So apparently the first post I had written about the title of my blog never saved. Lame. And now, for the life of me, I can't seem to remember why I titled it that way. Although I'm sure it had something to do with some patient asking me my middle name, laughing at me like most people do, and then asking "Do you go by Kelly Sue?" I really hope that my response was smart, witty and felt like a slap to their sneering face, because NO, I don't go by Kelly Sue. I honestly don't think I know a single person under the age of 70 that goes by their first and middle name. And if you do, I sure hope your middle name is not Sue, because then even I'd have to make fun of you. I love my middle name, because it's just that. A middle name. Most of the time people only need to know the first initial of my middle name. And I'd like to keep it that way. I appreciate that it's a family name, but with my mother's permission I will not be passing it on. The "tradition" stops here. Sorry Aunt Sue.

As it goes, I hope I to remember to blog more. I can't believe I forgot about this thing.